Someting is very wrong...!!

I keep on telling myself that everyting will be alright. But I was just making myself feel better.
How i wish by crying all the problem will solve.
How i wish by crying I am able to speak my mind out.
How i wish by crying everyting will be fine.
The word is... HOW I WISH...! all i can say.. Just wish jal...

every night before i closed my eyes, I will ask husband..."dear, will everyting be fine?"
and he can't answer my question.

I'm not strong... not at all....
Please bring back the happiness in my family.







Ayah dengarkan lar, Aku ingin bernyanyi
Walau airmata di pipi ku....

To whoever you are....

I am happy you dropped by my blog and tagged me... awwww..so sweet!!

But honestly... if you wanna prove that your not a KENTAL person. I will be delighted to meet u someday.

hope to hear from you soon.

I Desperately want that CK bag!!!!

Makan tak kenyang.. tido tak lena... (*_*)

Refreshing off day!!

today was great! I felt so refreshing and relaxed. Met mum at 2.00pm at whitesands, had lunch and went over to Step By step (Pasir Ris West Plaza) for our massage. After the refreshing massage, we took 81 to tampines for our tai tai tea break. after tat, window shopping at Tampines One then T.M... Sumting caught my eye in Isetan today! White Calvin Klein bag... BEAUTIFUL...!! aaarrrggghhh.....!!!!!! trying to pester husband for that... LOL!

Alrity.. husband is back to werk.. now.. i got to take public transport back home..! Husband will send me at Bedok and I got to make my way back home by PUBLIC! damn!
Weekend without husband! he got to werk over the weekend this week (3 weeks to be exact) haiz... boring life!

End of Hell week..!!

time to reward myself. Body massage at Pasir Ris west plaza at 1500hrs TOMOROW!!

Im soo looking forward to wake up late tmr morning and go massage after lunch.

Woohoo...!!!

Ku Pendam Rahsia
(Merah)


Ku sedar akan diri ini
Tak pantas tuk mencintai mu
Tiap kali kau di depan ku
Ingin saja ku memeluk mu
Andainya kau tahu bertapa syg nya
Diri ku terhadap mu

Apakan daya diri ini
Melihat kau bersamanya
Ternyata dia terdahulu
Menyentuh mu dan bukan aku

Ingin saja aku berdepan dgn kamu
Dan meluah kan cinta ku terhadap mu
Tapi apa kan daya
Diriku takut kehilangan kamu

Maakkan lar diriku
Kerna mencintai diri mu
Hanya tuhan yang tahu…. ku saying kamu
Biarlah ini semua ku pendam menjadi rahsia
Biarlah kita teman saja
Kerna ku takut kehilangan dirimu sayang

The Round about feelings...

I dun know why today i felt so distracted. Someting terrible is playing in my mind and i know i shouldn't have. sumting is missing. All i could say is.. "how I wish you were here"

I'm definitely the type of person who gets upset and cry. at the same time i know that I have to be strong. I know it's painful when someone can say they love you truly but at the time it didn't mean a thing. I'm losin' grip, what's happenin'? But this time was different I felt like I was just a victim and it cut me like a knife When you walked out of my life. Now I'm in this condition and I've got all the symptoms. *Kill Me*

Living in confusion!

The Day we brought him to Science Centre

yerp.. as promised (to A'an) we are going to bring him out during the school holiday. And today is the day. We brought him to Science Centre. Few minutes there.. i got a Migraine Attacked.. ! It's painful but i try to hide in behind my fake smile... I can't take it anymore, I rushed to the toilet and puked out! Terrible headache appear as usual... Husband changed the plan to have lunch 1st then we resume walking... no appetite at all.. just drink water and had a little of the fries.
After lunch, went back in and A'an insisted to visit the Water works 1st... so we went...! While he was having fun.. i took a baby nap.. and as usual.. a power nap actually hepls.. I felt better after that. and It's a happy ending..... :)

Honestly... husband is a very protential loving father... it's proven! And me.. as usual.. the glam one... LOL!





This morning, when i was about to pop in my fertility pills.. i found out that sumting was wrong... My mens will be ending soon, but how come my pills left alot more... (puzzled)
I went straight to my bedroom huge calender, to check did i start on the right date? (yes! it's correct) then i rushed to my dressing table to check my timetable given by my gyne... I find sumting was wrong..! I went out again and looked at my pill slab, count it and realised that... I took the wrong dosage! DAMN!! i was suppose to take 2 tablets in the morning but kuku me.. i took 1 only... Another screwed up plan!! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!!!

Back to hell week tmr..!! happy werking fer 7 days straight!!!!

Today is one of the another day i tot of my late uncle.

Was watching Tv3 and there was a singing competition. 1 big guy sang and all of the sudden... i tot of my pak busu... even though he dun looked pak busu... but i dun know why, i felt that there's sumting similar... and i started to teared... and begin to cry... sad.. so sad... the feeling is hard to explained. I really missed it when ppl say i look exactly like him. I missed Pak BUSU!!!!
ya allah semoga kau cucuri rahmant nye (insyallah...)
everytime when the tot pass my mind... i reemember the last time i met him at Parkway and two days later... he died... I remember the last time i saw his body at the mortuary... I remember how his body was carried in and out the van. Remembered the how he was buried.. I remember almost everyting... ALMOST!
I think dad is upset too... i could tell he's missing someone....

week 1 of june.. gone..

how time flies when im freaking bz and it's a good sign btw...! i survived the 1st week of june despite of the long wait protest. I just hate it whenever the sailors failed for protest.

Today n tmr will be off.... i guess today will be a staying at home day.. BORING!!! and tmr... c how lar.. hope husband will be free to bring me out.

Last night, we celebrated murfy 26th birthday at georges... had fun. Husband and I being very responsible toward murfy.. we got him dead drunk and we send him back home... ritght at his door step.. hahah... head back to the cab and went home. Take sempat nk cuci muke... LEPAK!! but dun get me wrong.. kiter tak mabok lar... I dun know why.. i can't consume alcohol anymore... *WEIRD*

ok.. got to go... c u wen i see you.

I hate june... too many unforgettable histories...
I've tried my very best to forget .. but i can't...
I know you felt it too....

__________________A piece of my mind.... ______________________

Oh windy wind.. please take my pain away
and oh rainny rain.. please shower the happiness in me.

some feeling are hard to describe and pain are hard to explain. . . .
*Swallow me GROUND!!!!*

I realised that no matter how far i run... i still can't get away from you.

Welcome to the HELL MONTH...!!!!

Out of the 12 months in the calender year, June is the WORST!!! The nightmare has started...
too many events... driving me crazy... what worst is, i have to start werk at 9.00am and finish lastest at 9.30pm...
see my bz hell month schedule.
2-6 june : Byte, Laser & 420 Nationals
9-13 June : Sentosa Optimist Open Championship
14-15 June : National Team Racing
22 June: AYG Training
26 June: Preparation day _ AYG
28 June - 7July : AYG
11 July: Recommence of new training term...

I think before i could breath... I've already fainted! oh god.. please give me your blessing. I need strength in me and in everything i do.

Got to catch some sleep now.. bye and take care everyone....

Happy anniversary Mama & dad!!! Love you guys lots...!!!!




I miss the laughter in my family....